Today I received a letter from myself on February 18, 2013. It was hard to read that letter, realizing I had written it over four years ago. Some of the things that I expected to have happened, didn’t, and some of them happened better than I could possibly have imagined. Today, at 11:28pm, I write a letter to my 30-year-old self, checking in on where things have been, and where they’re going.
In my last letter, I hoped that I had kept up with my Tumblr. That was such a big part of my life in 2013. Sadly, I didn’t. I haven’t completely forsaken it, but I’m lucky if I write three times a year anymore, and forget posting even more than that. But, I still make time to write on the important days in my life. I still take the time to write when it really matters.
Four years ago I had hoped that I would have my masters… sadly, my masters is something I never even started. I did get my bachelors, and did get a good job that I lost only three months ago… but that was only a 2.5 year job. Gained, and lost, between letters.
I seem to have a thing for doing this ever 4-5 years. What has completely blown my mind is how much my life has entirely shifted in that short amount of time. 4.2 years before I wrote the letter that I received today, I was in the Dominican Republic on a mission trip… 4 years ago I was just starting in the swinging lifestyle, and was enjoying my time in school and working for the comedy group I helped start on campus. I had no idea I would go on to lead that group, graduate with honors, and enter the best part of my life.
It’s hard writing this letter… because I know that the best part of my life has already happened. I got heavy into drinking and partying since my last letter. I got way more into the swinging lifestyle, and then backed off for the better parts of it, with friends…. so much so that while I re-read the letter to myself this afternoon, my wife was asleep in my bedroom with one of my best friends, while I waited for another girl that lives with us to come home so I could fuck her, after sleeping with her last night. THAT is where this has come……. – I never imagined when I told myself in the letter 4.2 years ago to give up the swinging lifestyle, that it would eventually become the thing that made Her and I closer than we ever could have been before. – Since I wrote that letter I tried so many drugs I said I would never do; weed, molly (lots of molly), LSD, shrooms, xanex…. I never could have imagined in 2013 that I would have done these things… and although I rarely do them now… the span from 2014-2016 as the best part of my life. I made friends that were closer than any friends I had ever had before, and I lost many of those friends.
It’s interesting writing this letter now, in April. Back last October, I was on cloud 9… I was living the best part of my life that had been going on for over two years… but like all things in life, what goes up, must come down… and starting in December, my world began to crumble around me. But, it’s April. 4 months since everything started breaking, and things are stabilizing again. Her and I are the best man and maid of honor in the wedding of our absolute best friends of all time… and I could NOT be happier. I never would have imagined I could have achieved the emotions and feelings that I experienced in the past 3-4 years… and they are feelings that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
… The rest of the letter is for me, to me… I don’t post it here, I won’t post it anywhere… Where I go from here, nobody knows, but I hope that it is everything I imagine it could be. I may not keep up with this blog anymore, but I still post to it… I miss this blog, I miss a lot of things, but I am happy with my life since I wrote that letter to myself, and I’m happy with where I think it might be going. Even though it’s likely to never go there, and end up somewhere I could never have possibly imagined, I’m happy with that. This is life… this is how it works… and I love mine so far.
And so, I close out this shorter letter, with the ultimate hope that when I read the future letter to myself, my life will be half as good as I can imagine it will be, and that I will have cherished twice as many amazing memories as I once had. I hope that I will have Lived, loved, laughed, and that I never let go of the things that mattered the most to me~
