11:11pm
Get a load of me, get a load of you,
Walkin’ down the street, and I hardly know you
It’s just like we were meant to be.
Holding hands with you when we’re out at night,
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn’t right…
And I’ve got someone waiting too.
What if this is just the beginning?
We’re already wet, and we’re gonna go swimming
I began this blog on August 1, 2010 with the goal in mind of sharing with nobody but myself the pure and utter love that I have for Her. Over the next eight months and twenty eight days, I had the privilege of sharing my love for Her with the whole world. I was given the amazing honor of inspiring the lives of over fifteen thousand different people from over one hundred and twenty three countries around the world…. and that’s just in the past two months. I consider that one of the biggest honors I could be given… to share my life’s story with others that it might inspire and encourage them in their own love life. My story didn’t start on August first though…. Here’s our story~
June 9, 2006 was the first day I met Her. We were both scheduled to work as janitors at a bath house at our local church camp meeting. It was my sisters birthday that day… and I was late to my first shift due to playing guitar at the teen tent song service. I remember my supervisor calling Her out and Her walking out with a broom and dust pan in hand. I remember being so relieved that I was working with a younger girl and not an older adult… so much so in fact that I think my relief was apparent. She seemed kind of relieved Herself. I found out later that she had done research, being a pastors daughter, on the guy that She would be working with, and had found my dad as a 46 year old man since he has the same name as me. She was quite relieved indeed. – I was 15 at the time and we got to talking through the week. I found out that she was 17, and that seemed so incredibly old to me. I was surprised because I wouldn’t really have pegged Her as any older than me based on how She looked. (To this day She looks my age… which is nice.) – I realized that She was older than me though when She had a book signing for a small book on the story of Ruth that can now be purchased at any Barnes & Noble. It was released at the end of camp meeting… and we had become good enough friends that I actually wanted one of Her books. I was still getting close to a crush of two years at the time though, and had never had a girlfriend. I also wasn’t particularly skilled with girls at the time either. Because of this, I couldn’t even bring myself to ask Her for Her email address at the end of the camp meeting. I really kicked myself for that, but I was about to begin my first relationship where I truly loved… so I was distracted after the summer.
It wasn’t until the next March that I saw Her again, when my bell choir group toured to Her church which ended up only being 20 minutes from my church. I saw Her there and knew that I wanted Her email address. One of my friends went to Her church, and over the next few months I got him to get Her email for me. I didn’t like Her so much… because for some reason, she was off limits to me. I think it was the fact that age difference was a big thing when I was 15… not so much now. 😉 – I did want to be Her friend though, as we had some really fun times together. I finally was able to get Her email address, and we began hanging out around May of 2007. Camp Meeting of 2007 was fun, in that we were able to hang out, but weren’t super close at the time. I had just broken up with my girlfriend of 9 months, and was feeling kinda down about it. Camp meeting was a time of social interaction for me though, as it seemed everyone knew who I was because of my guitar playing… and I made several friends. My friendship with Her continued to increase, but strictly as a friendship. October of 2007, at a bell choir festival, I met my ex. I don’t know how I won this girls heart… but I somehow did. Over text and phone and webcam and IM… I won her heart and through endless hours on the phone, I actually managed to steal her from her boyfriend at the time and in December of 2007, my ex and I began dating. The first time that this affect my friendship with my current fiancé though, was when, in February of 2008, we were all staying in the same housing for a pathfinder outing (boy-scout / girl-scout combined), and we stayed up crazy late; Her, me, and two other guy friends of mine (both of whom are in my wedding now). On the return trip from that weekend of fun, somehow she and I got left at our school alone on a Sunday and ended up finishing a movie on the big screen in my classroom. I had asked Her something about whether she would let the right guy kiss Her (prior to watching that movie), and the long and short of it was that I actually almost tried to kiss Her that February. The only reason I didn’t actually kiss Her, was that I had a girl whom I was very much truly in love with and was dating. We got so close to kissing though… that we had to let it go. It was then that She claims She fell for me. Everyone somehow had been predicting even prior to this particular weekend that we would end up together, but we always denied it because we didn’t even like each other. Anyway, I made an idiot mistake and in April of 2008 and cheated on my girlfriend with her lesbian best friend via cybersex. (please don’t ask… I was an idiot.) – I was overwhelmed by guilt and told my girlfriend, resulting in a horrible breakup. I am one of those guys that is strongly compelled by love though, and this love lead me to get on a greyhound bus to Maryland at 17 years old with nowhere to stay and nowhere to go. All I had was my heart and a mission to prove to her that I really did love her. I had one of the most amazing weekends that I ever had with her while I was down there. She got her dad to let me stay with them, and I truly did win her back. It took her another three weeks after my return home for her to take me back officially, but she did take me back.
Now my ex and I (girlfriend at the time) fought a lot, and she didn’t like that I was such good friends with my current fiancé, and I didn’t like some of her guy friends. We just couldn’t find it in ourselves to be the trusting types, and this caused endless fights between us. As is true with every fight though, it brought us closer together. Camp meeting 2008 was an incredible one, in that Her, I, and Her current maid of honor had some of the best times as a tight group of friends that we’ve ever had. I was really building this friendship with Her at this point, and we often talked late at night, either before or after I talked to my girlfriend. – The summer was full of good memories and good times, and that fall I went off to a boarding academy for our church, which is where all the cool people went. This place didn’t let you have cell phones or computers or anything, and I went through some of the worst homesickness ever. I missed my girlfriend, and I missed my best friend. – Pathfinders were having an outing at our camp up north the first weekend of school, and I got Her to pick me up and take me up there. I really cared about Her at this point, and I didn’t realize how much until that first week of academy. To deflect some of these feelings while up at camp with Her, I actually hung out most of the weekend with a really hot slut-type girl that I knew She didn’t like… not to annoy Her at all, but just so that I could figure out what I was feeling. She was really bothered by it, and that Saturday night we took a walk around the lake and I had to face the feelings I had for Her. We talked and were so incredibly close that night. In Her car after the walk, I realized that Her friendship wasn’t something I could give up for anything… and I kissed Her.
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me… Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
I took Her first kiss that night… and realized that loved Her. I left Her a voicemail to that effect that night, which we still have. It couldn’t be that easy though… because it never is. She didn’t kiss me back that night… and I believed it was because She was the good pastors daughter that didn’t know how to be crazy or didn’t even want to be. I didn’t think she even knew how to kiss. This led me away from a relationship, and for that I am ashamed. I was the kind of guy that needed the physical… that wanted a girl to be crazy with. I was starting a new life at my academy, and my idiot self, who had already told Her that, as she knew, we couldn’t be together despite our feelings because we wouldn’t work out together. My idiot self also told my girlfriend about the kiss a month later because he wanted freedom at this academy. What he (I) didn’t realize though, was that I was emotionally attached and in love with this girl that I’d just broken up with. It took me all of one month to start trying to get her back again. This time, I was serious about it. I spent all day, every day for the next seven months working on showing her that she was my everything. She was the girl that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was so determined to prove this, that I actually completely distanced myself from Her, almost at the cost of our friendship. It wasn’t until March of 2009 that Her and I saw each other again for the first real time. We were taking a friend of mine home from a concert and on the way back was the first time we’d had to really talk. I had asked Her to go to a huge international camporee with our pathfinder club in the fall, and She had been thinking about it. At any rate, She said something on the way back, and I said something back. It was almost a flirtatious moment, and out of teasing defiance, I told Her to get over it or something, and She said “Make me.” kind of flirtatiously. It lead to us pulling off the highway and we found ourselves in a parking lot. I couldn’t deny the feelings I had for Her… that had been there the whole time, but I had changed. I wasn’t the same guy that had cheated on his girlfriend… and in that car that day, we were so close… I touched Her stomach and traced my fingers up to Her bra, but didn’t touch. I was driving Her crazy and honestly I was going crazy myself. I got so close to Her and she just lost it and came unto me. She tried kissing me and everything and it took Everything inside me not to have sex with Her right there. She was willing. – I resisted Her though, and didn’t even kiss Her. She started crying and just lost it emotionally because of what I’d done to Her… and it tore me apart. I just held Her while she cried.
She told me once She stopped crying that She would come to the international camporee, and after that, She was done, stepping out of my life forever. She valued my friendship more than any other in the whole world, but she needed to stay out my way with my girlfriend… and so she would be there till August, and then She had to leave. She would be gone forever. – That night was one of the worst nights for me… everything I knew was wrong… I truly, accidentally, had a best friend and a girlfriend and I loved them both with all my heart. – I asked my ex to be my girlfriend for the first time since the previous fall when we broke up… because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t secure all the work I’d done to get this girl that I loved back. My ex agreed and I had a girlfriend again… for a time.
Isn’t this the best part of breakin’ up
Finding someone else you can’t get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
We had agreed to take a friend of ours up north that following Thursday, (a week after this event in March) and through the course of the week, we decided that since we didn’t have anywhere to stay up there, as long as we innocently slept in the car together and watched movies… as long as it wasn’t actually sleeping together, it should be fine. Heading up north though, I knew what I was doing. I had poured my whole heart and soul into my girlfriend for the past year and a half, but this girl was my best friend, and if it killed me, I was going to give Her a night to be with me. That wasn’t the logic I used. To be honest, I wasn’t using any. I just know that after watching a movie in a parked car in the woods that night, we started to lay down to go to bed, and I started kissing Her like I’ve never kissed before. To my surprise (although not much surprise after the car incident), She kissed back like it was what She had been waiting to do more than anything. – We hardly slept that night, because we both kinda knew that it had to end after that morning. I had to go with my current girlfriend… and we had to let our friendship go. It tore us apart… because that night, just kissing and “sleeping” together in that car, was the best night of my life. ~
It’s an itch we know we are gonna scratch,
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch…
But wouldn’t it be beautiful
Here we go, we’re at the beginning
We haven’t fucked yet, but my heads spinning
What happened next I am not proud of… but it’s our story, and it’s honestly the only way we ended up together. – We tried to stay apart, but for the second half of march and all of April and the first half of may… we made out whatever chance we had. I was in the worst dilemma I’ve ever been in and will ever be in. I was truly in love with two different girls, and no matter what I did, no matter which way I turned, I absolutely killed one of them. My actions in one direction or the other would completely destroy a heart… but more than that… a soul. I slept at Her house when Her parents were out of town in early may… and I knew that weekend that I could spend the rest of my life with my best friend… and that it would possibly be a better life even than with my girlfriend. – It’s the hardest thing in the world, to know that I could live two very happy lives with both girls, but that the lives would be different. It is completely impossible to choose… and I was physically unable to do so. It was tearing me to pieces and both girls in the process. My girlfriend at the time knew something was different and She was breaking with every make out session. One of the guys in my wedding now saw that then and made the obvious choice that the whole world saw… even me. He told my current girlfriend everything that had been happening behind my back. It was one of the hardest things in the world for me to undergo… because I Truly loved that girl, and I still do to this day. I had poured the past year and a half of my life into that relationship, and she truly did have a part of my heart. I don’t think for a second, though, that I made the wrong choice… because I know that my current fiancé is the right one. On June 9, 2009, exactly 4 years after we had first met, we started dating… and our lives have been forever changed ever since.~
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me… Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
We spent that camporee in August sleeping together in a tent while being staff for the pathfinders. We “slept” together far from naked, but it was knowing that we were together that comforted us. We were still learning how to get each other off… but on the way back from that camporee, we spent our first night in a hotel together. It was the only time that I’ve ever had to cum up against her during actual naked outercourse, and looking back at how careful we are to keep cum FAR away from Her… I’m amazed She didn’t get pregnant from that. My senior year in high-school was filled with tons of hotel rooms Not having sex… but learning to do everything but. This lead on into 2010 and through it as well. Our time at college together has been incredible… and in November of 2010 I asked Her to marry me. Our wedding in July was scheduled, and in April of 2011, we actually had to get legally married… although that’s a secret that almost nobody knows to avoid spoiling the wedding for people. I’ve never felt happier in my life with anyone or anything… and I’ve never felt more complete.
High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it’s goin’, High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin’s growin’… out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin’
We played around now that we are technically married, with putting the tip of my dick inside Her… and I was actually able to resist having sex. I don’t know how… but we still were. We’d waited this long, so why not wait a couple more months. That was our logic until tonight. She was telling me how she’d been reading a marriage forum, and one of the discussions was about “when does it actually sink in that you’re married” and She told me that many of the girls were like “it’s been months and it still hasn’t.”, and then one girl wrote in with a powerful outlook on it: she said “after one year of marriage, I didn’t feel any different. I then realized that it wasn’t because the marriage wasn’t real to me… but because I had married him in my mind long before the wedding.”~ We realized that this is true of us. The only thing that will change when we get married will be that we don’t have to sneak around to sleep together… and that we can have sex. – She then suggested that, what if I just went in her so she knew how much she had to stretch for the wedding. – She is Really small built girl, and I’m 6’3″… and rather large. I knew that if we waited till the honeymoon to first have sex, that almost the whole honeymoon would be spent getting her to the point where we could make love…. and as such we decided that… since we had a condom from Her sex class, that we would do it. And this evening…. at approximately 9:30pm… we did.
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me… Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Wearing a condom… I didn’t feel nearly as much as I would have liked… and it absolutely killed her to take me all the way in, but at the end of the night, I was able to go all the way in. – Looking back on it, I am so incredibly glad that we didn’t wait till the honeymoon to do that… it absolutely killed her and she was crying and all that…. – I want to be able to truly make love on our wedding night. – We decided that since it didn’t really feel like a first time so to speak in that we didn’t actually get off and I didn’t really get to fuck Her because she was in such pain, we decided we would still wait till the wedding night to do it again, but that She can be doing stretches with things to make sure that She’s able to actually have sex on the honeymoon.
It just blows my mind that after all this time…. all this talk of going inside Her…. I actually did. I was as physically and emotionally close to her as I’ve ever been… and ever can be. I loved it. Yet, it didn’t feel that different. – Like, some of the worse things we’ve done actually felt… worse I guess. Like… a 69 felt much more… sex before marriage? I guess it’s because we basically are married. I just can’t believe that it happened… tonight. I love this woman… and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with Her… every single second. There isn’t a thing in the whole wide world that I would trade for even one second with the love of my life……… my best friend. ~ ♥
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me… Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
12:32am
