A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
Of course the one time I would find to write this morning, Tumblr would be down. I still have managed to squeeze a little time in to write this though… and it’s quickly becoming one of the hardest, saddest, yet most awesome, and joy inspiring posts that I’ve ever written, or ever will write on this blog… and likely anywhere, forever. You see, yesterday was one of the most hectic days of my life… and in the tradition I started nearly a year ago… my recap of yesterday is not lacking in details. – After not sleeping but a half hour the night before my wedding, I spent the morning preparing and packing for the honeymoon. I frantically picked out songs for the reception, tried to write my vows, and wondered how I was going to get the slideshow for the reception done, the programs made and printed, the projector for the reception found, the items needed for the reception purchased, the tuxes picked up, the car cleaned and washed, amp and energy drinks to survive the day, the air-soft stuff returned to Walmart, the fans for the church delivered, and still have enough time to get ready to walk down the aisle with only 4 hours left. The next four hours were the most stressful I have ever had, and I can honestly say that I have never had even one of my friends step up as much as each and every single bridesmaid and groomsmen did during those next 4 hours. I kid you not when I say that each and every one of them stepped into the maid of honor/best man shoes and picked up the slack where we couldn’t in order to get us down that aisle on time.
The worst part is that I didn’t even know
Now there’s a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I queued a post yesterday at 4:30pm saying that the wedding was starting, but at 4:30pm I was driving like a crazy man to the tux shop 5 minutes away because they had forgotten my vest. I later found the vest, but due partially to that trip, and partially to the fact that Her mother was late getting back, I didn’t actually start walking our mothers down the aisle until 4:50. All things considered, I was pretty happy with that time. It was something that could be expected considering that almost no wedding starts on time… but considering we had just over 300 people sitting in a church that was 15 degrees hotter than the 90 degrees outside… 20 minutes was a long time. Still though, 4:50 found me walking down that aisle… and but a few minutes later I was catching the eyes of my bride… in what I swear is the most beautiful dress that could possibly exist, walking down the aisle with Her father towards the front of the church where She would truly become… entirely and fully mine.
I’ll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what’s at stake
I know that I’ve let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I’ll keep us together whatever it takes
I am not the crying type… I never have been and I never will be. I can honestly say that it wasn’t until I broke up with my ex the second time that I even cried… because the first time couldn’t muster the tears. Yesterday though, with the men I call my best friends standing behind me, the women She calls Her girls standing behind Her, and my best friend holding my hands in front of me, I had a feeling like one I’ve never felt before come over me. All of a sudden nothing mattered, not the people in the church staring at me, not the pastors standing next to me… just Us. And all of a sudden the lady we had asked to sing was up front… and on came the song that three years before I had sat in the car playing on the radio, after just kissing my best friend while dating another girl, and wondering what I was doing with my life… and at that moment 3 year ago I had told Her that the song that was playing would forever be a memento to that moment, sitting there in that car, after Our first kiss… and it would forever bring back every emotion and feeling from that day, that minute; that second…. and yesterday hearing that song being sung… tears flooded my eyes as I realized that I had had no idea how true the words I said three years ago would be when that song was playing for our wedding. I had had no idea that that song would find me standing in front of my wife… holding Her hands and saying “I Do” as we begun our new life together. Still though, it had. Still though, that had brought tears that, although I didn’t let them run down my face, still burned the memory of the best day my life has and will ever see into my mind.
She said “If we’re gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts”
The rest of the day was a complete blur in my mind. We got pictures taken and showed up at the reception in a car covered in silly string and condoms courtesy of the wedding party… and all of a sudden it was over. We were on our way to the hotel after coming back three times for forgotten items… and then I was taking Her dress off. The pure exhaustion of the past couple weeks, and especially the past couple days should have rendered us entirely and completely unable to even contemplate having our wedding night that night… but yet we were driven by an unknown force. Perhaps it was every single time that we’ve made out over the past two and a half years waiting to finally get what has always been just out of reach, or maybe it was the undying desire to be THAT close… That much a part of one another… but whatever it was, it drove us into such a crazy love, that we removed our tux and dress, and just like that were making love to one another. I have had so many people tell me not to get my expectations too high for sex, because it’s not all that virgin expectations raise it up to be, but I am here to tell you that it was more than I could have ever possibly imagined. I speculate it may be because of the closeness wrapped around us, and the fact that we waited through our wedding night, and it might also have been that I was making love to my best friend, my literal other half… but whatever it was, it lead us into an incredible meaningful passionate loving sexual experience that as I moved in and out of Her…. I could sense her reaching the point of orgasm… and it’s almost like our bodies connected. I am not lying when I tell you that I came inside of Her at the precise moment She came to climax. Whatever amazing feeling could have been had before was overthrown by the closeness I felt kissing Her before even pulling out… being completely one with Her. Everything that held us back, everything that made us wait for the wedding night was worth it, just for that one moment. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and it blew my mind in ways I can’t even describe.
Don’t hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said “Like it or not it’s the way it’s gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me
Waking up to my best friend this morning, knowing that She is my wife… and that this new life together has begun, brings that same rush of emotions and feelings that that song did yesterday. It nearly brings tears to my eyes knowing that I have what most people would kill for… a chance at true happiness. I have it, and I swear to God I will keep it. Still though, that feeling brought on another realization, and that was that this post I am writing right now ends the story for this blog. It may turn a new chapter, and I have vowed to keep writing from time to time… but the essential essence of it’s creation, duration, and finale is over. Packed inside the nearly 8,000 posts on this blog is everything that IS the past year. Everything that IS our relationship, and everything that IS our love. It’s my heart, poured out on the pages of this blog for the whole world to see, but most importantly for Her to see. I can’t say that it’s always been easy… because it hasn’t. There have been so many times that I have just wanted to give up on this blog and stop writing and posting… but by God’s grace and the honest unexpected support of the over 13,000 people that follow Our story, I made it we made it.
I’ll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what’s at stake
I know that I’ve let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I’ll keep us together whatever it takes
Where the story goes from here is Our call. Where this blog goes from here is Our call… but most importantly, where our loves goes from here is OUR Call. The reason I chose this song to annotate this post with, is because back in that march when everything was beginning to happen… and even before, after our first kiss… it was this song that I promised to Her that I really would do Whatever It Takes to turn the mess we had made of our lives and our friendship around… and I Would do Whatever It Takes to keep us together… and standing at that alter yesterday, holding Her hands, I was fulfilling that promise and marrying my best friend, my lover, my other half; my wife~
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I’d be lost without you and never find myself
Let’s hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
We begin our honeymoon now… and this is my last text post till at least after we return on August 1st… but I will keep the pictures coming… because even though my new life has begun with Her and we are writing the pages of a new chapter together, I still maintain the feelings that have pulled us through since day one… and they will forever more continue to be expressed day by day on the pages of my heart; this blog. As much as this is the end of this blog, our story leading up to our marriage, and the life I have led for the past year online for Her, it is the beginning of chapter two. All of the emotions I’ve held for this blog and for Her up until now couldn’t compare though, to the excitement and desire I feel to writing this new chapter hand in hand with Her… so here we go~
I’ll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what’s at stake
I know that I’ve let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I’ll keep us together whatever it takes
