Amazingly, I have kept the tabs in Firefox with my Tumblr blog and this site open since the last time I wrote. And yet, here it is June 29 and I haven’t written once in 2019. Why? Because I’ve been too busy could easily roll off the tongue, but I’ve learned that we have time for what we Make time for. It’s not that I don’t want to write, because that’s certainly not the case. I think it has more to do with the fact that I have so much going in my life that I am barely staying afloat. Taking time to write here, when I could be spending that time working on my relationship with Her seems… counterproductive, somehow. I know it’s not, though. Writing here has always been and will always be therapeutic for me. It’s the one place I can go and pour my raw soul out and evaluate the way that I feel, somehow, objectively. It’s funny because it’s not objective at all… but it does feel that way nonetheless.
So where did the last 6 months go? Let me tell you: January saw Her turn 30. We threw Her one hell of a 30th birthday party, which turned into a drama-filled extravaganza because of other people’s shit that they had to deal with at Her birthday… but we survived it. I lost friends that night, but to say that it was because of things that happened that night wouldn’t be completely true. We had lost those friends prior, that night was simply the walking-away point, I suppose. The road following was a difficult one because of the degradation of the friend group. I’ve been through it before and I will surely go through it again, but it’s always difficult when it’s happening.
We continued to work on Us after my last post. We made what I considered to be good progress in February and March… probably because we didn’t drink much during that period due to having to spend almost all of our free time working on the house. We had a lot of things to fix up and repair on the house in order to refinance it, which we successfully did in March, allowing us to pay off all of our revolving debt and vehicles and other loans except school loans, and saved us nearly $1,000 a month in interest alone. It was a necessary thing and one that gave us a lot of overall freedom… both financially and mentally. Our work on us progressed well.. it’s almost like saying that we were fine as I mentioned in my last post actually worked. I think the reason for that is because we actually Were fine… we just believed there was a problem, and thus an actual problem was created. Sure, it took time for the scars to heal and for emotions to fully settle… but over March, April, and May, things went back to what I would consider “normal”.
On a personal health front: In February I kicked off a health initiative. I weighed in at 211, only 14lbs less than my maximum weight ever back in 2014. I had gone down to 181 in 2015 and slowly gained a lot of that back… then with personal training in the first of 2018, I progressed from 203 in early 2018 back down to 193 that year, and then gained that back in the second half of 2018. By February of 2019 I weighed in at 211 and made the immediate decision that I need more than just personal training… I needed a lifestyle change. So I started eating healthy on February 11. As much as possible, (mainly weekdays but also on the weekends if I could pull it off) I ate healthy oatmeal and a Greek yogurt for breakfast, a Chick-fil-a grilled cool wrap with no cheese for lunch, and a Panera bread salad for supper. I did this through the housework period in February, and then on March 11 added in going to the Gym 3-4 days a week. I stuck to this as much as possible through March, April, and May, and have never felt better in my whole life. I have a renewed source of energy from the healthy eating and working out that I truly had never experienced before… and I love it. I have been back down as low as 192, and I feel fantastic. I really want to start a health blog just about healthy eating, given that I’ve spent almost a decade trying to get my health where I want it to be… and while I have a long way to go, I’ve finally unlocked the secret.
Also in April, because we finally got the house refinanced and all our debts paid off, I got a new car for the first time in 6 years. I got a convertible in my favorite color… and I absolutely LOVE it. Also, since my last post, I was able to get diagnosed with Adult ADD and successfully obtained a legal Adderall prescription, so now between the Adderall and healthy living, I have a new perspective on life.
Aside from the fact that time is flying by faster than ever before, I’m really happy with where things are at right now. Her and I are happy, I’m finally on the road to getting to where I want to be physically, and life is good from most all fronts.
Because of my health initiates, I was able to start sleeping with one of the girls I’ve really wanted to sleep with for a Long time. She lives with us, and I was incredibly worried that me starting to sleep with this girl would be hard for Her since Her and I just went through so much with this other guy She fell in love with; but so far it’s been good. This other girl and I aren’t even 1/10th as close as Her and Her guy were, so there’s that… but it is nice to have Something.
I’m doing well enough with this whole physical fitness thing that at our last big pool party last weekend, I hooked up with a hot girl, and was all over another hot girl most of the night… Something that’s never happened to me at parties, but was mind-blowing to me because it means I am succeeding somewhere with these goals I have of getting to a point where I can be confident in my self image. Yeah, I might have gotten Chlamydia from the one girl I fucked (she just told me that today… a week later… after I’ve already fucked both Her and this other girl… fml) but that’s curable and if that’s the worst thing that comes from me finally having the party that sparked the beginning of my self-confidence, it’s a price I’m happy to pay.
So that’s my first half of 2019 post. I am going to make sure I don’t wait another 6 months to write again… I’ve already set a reminder for 3 months from now to check back in… and I’m going to stick to that. This blog is something I’ll have to look back on, so that even if I feel like I’ve forgotten most of my life, I’ll have this to help me remember. So until I write again, here’s to life, love, and happiness. Happy Summer 2019!
