So currently, I have the flu. Or some terrible creation of satin that resembles the flu and has me so knocked out that it took me over 30 minutes to FORCE myself to reach over and drink the water that was a foot away from me next to my bed. Tons of fever reducers and a little bit of food later, I’m up enough and bored enough to remember that I used to run a fairly popular Tumblr blog. – Those were the days.
Much to my dismay, it seems in the crazy business that has become my life, I didn’t even write on New Years last year. That’s a real shame for me because I’ve done that every year since starting this blog. – What was I doing on new years last year? I couldn’t tell you. I think that maybe I was just hanging out at our house…. with the few people that lived there…. and that was that. My how much has changed in 2015.
So today is November the 10th. Technically, since it’s after midnight Eastern. It has been 7 months and 5 days since my last post, which was just a birthday post to ensure that I didn’t miss that one either. Yeah yeah great great, blah blah birthday blah. Since April, though, I have lived quite the exciting life. Turns out that we had bigger plans for staying in this area than we originally thought, because we set our sights on buying a house. We’d already been living with our new best friend that we had been staying with since last year, and we figured that we should all buy a house and have several people move in. So, we started looking, with very, Very particular needs. Turns out, with the needs we had, almost no house was a fit. Except for one… There was a house that was a the top of a really really tall hill, 1000ft off the road, secluded, with a pool and a ton of space. Our dream house essentially. The only thing was, it wasn’t on the market. It was listed as a Make Me Move, meaning people were living there and we could make them an offer for them to move out. Well, we previewed the house, realized it was the actual dream house, and begin the mortgage process. Now, I’ve always heard mortgages were hard, so I went in expecting it to take twice as long as the mortgage broker quoted. We begin the mortgage process on May 4, 2015. Our lease ended on June 30 at the house we were renting, so we had until then. Well, June 30 rolled around, and we were still waist deep in the mortgage process. So, determined not to give up, we moved in with friends in the area until things were resolved. On August 11, 2015, over three months into the process, and on the last possible day before everything expired and it wasn’t an option any longer, we closed on our dream house! That’s when the work began… – We had so much work to do to the house to get it to where we wanted it to be, and I’m the kind of person that isn’t happy until everything is done, which basically meant from August 17 until now, I haven’t had time to do anything but work, sleep a little, and work on the house. But oh my god is it worth it…. this is LITERALLY our dream house.
What else? On the new lifestyle front I mentioned in my last post, we are having a blast. The raving and festival scene is something I think everyone should experience at least once in their life, if only for the fact that they don’t know what they’re missing out on until they’ve tried it. Not that I’m pushing drugs, but if there was a drug to push, MDMA is probably one of the safer ones as long as you do your research, test it, and ensure that you’re doing it safely. Take that as you will; but for me, this last year has been incredible. I went to Counterpoint music festival where I learned how much is too much molly, (I don’t remember much lol), I went to imagine music festival, and TomorrowWorld. TW was great except for the giant mud pit that made it miserable… but still, we managed to pull through and have a blast. How long are we going to keep messing around with this lifestyle? Not terribly much longer if my wallet has anything to say about it… but if I’m following my heart? I would want to do this for a few more years, tapering off as I go. It’s fun… more fun than I thought it would, but something I’m glad I’m trying.
So, the 3 people on Tumblr that might still be following that were following me through the years and actually reading my blog posts would have read last fall about my confession about what I haven’t been saying on this blog. They might remember that Her and I are confident in each other, but also liking to have fun with other people. We are perfectly happy with this, and it has surprisingly strengthened our relationship. The best way to describe this aspect of our lives is that it’s surplus to whatever we have going on with us. What do I mean by that? Well, the last time we did anything with another couple was almost a year ago. Individually, she’s done stuff with a couple guys since then, but as a unit, it’s been almost a year. And for her it’s still been over 6 months. Why the gap? that one is simple. We don’t NEED this in our lives, this is just something fun that we play around with as opportunities present themselves. That’s the key difference between us and a lot of couples that don’t make it in this lifestyle. Her and I know for a fact that we could stop tomorrow, never do anything with anyone else, and be completely happy with that. That’s not only special, it’s crucial to this kind of lifestyle, and I think it’s one of the key things that has been drawing us closer to each other through all of this.
And while I’m talking about doing stuff with other couples… I suppose I should backup and correct something I said earlier. I mentioned that it had been almost a year since we had done stuff with another couple. That… is not entirely true. It’s true in the sense that we haven’t “swung” with another couple in almost a year… but the past year has developed something, unknown even to us in this whole thing. So, that girl that got us into raving and took us to VooDoo Music Festival last year, well, she met a guy at VooDoo and they’re as perfect for each other as Her and I are. It’s adorable really. Well it turns out that we started to become fairly good friends with these two, heading down to florida with her to hang out with them as a double-date kind of thing. At first they laughed with us at the whole swinging thing, but as time progressed, the girl mentioned it might be something that they would be open to at some point. This surprised us because this girl didn’t seem like the kind of person who would be open to that. However, I had seen too many things go wrong when friends started doing stuff with each other so I wasn’t very open to the idea. I just wasn’t. Over the course of 6-8 months, these people had become two Very Close friends of ours, and I wasn’t about to let that get fucked up because we all wanted to try something new by doing some physical stuff with each other. And yet…. the opportunities kept presenting themselves. Repeatedly. And with every opportunity that we passed on, it felt like we got that much closer to it actually happening. And so I finally decided I was going to talk to the girl again about why I didn’t want to do anything. So during one of the parties at her apartment (while we were homeless), I told her straight again that I was worried about the friendship. I told her that I did like the idea of doing stuff, but if it meant even the remotest possibility of messing anything up in our friendship with them, then I would skip it any day. She reassured me that, no matter what, the friendship was 8 months solid, and not going anywhere. And so we kissed.
After that, the progressions moved very slowly. That was late July I believe, and it took over a month before stuff happened again, and from there it just progressed very slowly. It has gotten to the point now, though, where we are all SUPER close emotionally, and attracted to each other physically. We’re all so close that, after a rave for halloween last weekend, we all 4 climbed in bed, and I ended up cuddling with the girl while her guy cuddled with Her. That’s a whole new level, and again, something I wasn’t expecting. But I’m not complaining either…
They talked to us the other night about potentially moving into our house when the girl’s lease expires so they don’t have to sign another lease. That’s huge… but not something we don’t want either. We have with these two what could only be described as a ‘relationship’, where you just want to hang out all the time and enjoy their friendship. It’s an awesome thing… and totally not written in the books anywhere, so I have no idea how to chart it or what to expect from it. – While rolling at one point, the girl told us that we are literally their other halves… that’s the kind of connection we all have. And yet, what is it all based on? That came to light only a few days ago when another couple friends of theirs (a couple, who are both friends with this girl and her guy) got mad because they had pushed for stuff to happen too, and the girl didn’t want to do anything so she ‘passed out tired’, well the girls guy had kissed the girl of the other couple, so the guy of the other couple felt it wasn’t balanced since he didn’t get to kiss the girl. (yeah, if you can follow that, good for you!) So the other couple was pushing our couple (can I call them that? Our Couple? I think I can…. I think I will….) to do stuff with them, and they weren’t sure where they stood on that. Well, this is clearly uncharted, and I didn’t want whatever we have with our couple to be a consideration in whether or not they wanted to do stuff with this other couple, so I told them that we’re supportive of whatever they wanted to do, that our friendship was still good. Because it would be. That’s one of the things that this whole thing was based on, the fact that the friendship would survive. What the girl wrote back really put it in perspective for me. I’ll quote it: “But yeah, ***** and I have talked about it tho and we aren’t feeling having anything with them. And that’s not because of you guys. We don’t feel limited by you at all. It’s simply because 1) Obviously this whole thing with you guys wasn’t planned for, aka ***** and I weren’t looking for other people to experience things with. We are perfectly content with each other and what we have with you guys is awesome and fun, but not something we feel we need to have with other people particularly. At least that’s where we’re at right now. 2) Not to mention the fact that they are very unstable compared to you guys. Example. We could decide today that nothing was ever going to happen between the 4 of us ever again, and that wouldn’t hurt our friendship. Things would go on and nothing would be awkward. Obviously that would not be the case with them, and I just want to stay as far away from that as possible. Friendships are the most important thing and I do not see that situation ending well at all.”
So yeah. What the hell, right? Speaking as someone who has spent a few years in the swinging community a tiny bit; this is the kind of thing people dream about. This is the kind of closeness that you want so much but can never find. Not only have each of us found it with our significant other… we’ve now found that with another couple. – Her and I sat out on our porch the other night and talked about it for over two hours. We stumbled upon this because we weren’t looking for it… and for me, the scariest thing is going in blind. I have no idea what this is supposed to turn into or where this is supposed to go. This could just simply end next week, or what if we become super Super close and all 4 get a house out west someday? Like, how are you supposed to compare and contrast those two opposites? I think the answer we’ve come to is that… you aren’t. With something like this, you continue to not pay it much mind. Continue to let it go where it is going to go, and watch and see what happens. That’s where we’re at… and I think I’m okay with it. – Why only think? Because I am type A, I have to know what’s next, where this could and is most likely to go… and going blind scares me… but if every second of this ride is the result of sacrificing the terror for the unknown… I’m willing to secede and bring it on~
And this brings me to my last major update from 2015. Wait, am I really writing this like it’s an end of year post? Nah. This is just recapping all the things I should have told you up until now. I promise to write more at the end of the year.
So. IF you’ve been following my blog for awhile and reading my posts, you know that I have struggled with being slightly overweight for years. Pretty much my whole life. Some people have body types that just stay thin. Other people have the opposite, and for us, it is Incredibly hard to get in shape. I have tried EVERYTHING over the years, to no avail. When I first started this blog, the most active year of the blog for me was my most successful time losing weight. I managed to get down to around 195lbs. You have to understand too, I’m 6′3, and so 195 is already considered pretty slim. However, the first couple years of marriage pushed me back up and up until I reached a point around this time last year where I was at 224.4lbs. That was the highest I’d ever weighed in at, and I knew I had to change something. So, with 2015 on my horizons, I started hitting the gym religiously. I mean, pretty darn religiously. I also started taking some health pills that seemed like they should help me out with my ventures. Well, from January – April when I really hit the gym hard and counted calories, I managed to go from 224 down to about 210lbs. I was pretty happy with that! That was a good 10-15lbs! And then traction started to slip off with the workouts. Thankfully though, around that same time, I discovered some additional health pills like Foreskolin, Tribulus, and Moringa. Adding these into the mix with my Garcinia Cambogia, Greeen Coffee Bean Extract, and Raspberry Keytones (almost all of these were 3 times a day), I started just counting calories and taking my pills. Once the new house hit, I started having a Lot of physical labor to do on top of the pills…. and then I started to watch the lbs slip away. Sure, maybe some of this could be attributed to the amount of adderall it takes to get me through the day these days because I don’t sleep, or to the mdma since you just don’t eat on amphetamines (same help as adderall), but I know that the majority of the help came from the pills boosting my metabolism, curving my appetite, and along with counting calories, started finally getting me past the points I had always been at, down to where I want to be.
As of this post, I weighed in yesterday at 184.3lbs, just over 40lbs lighter than this time last year, and the lightest that ever remember weighing in since I was in 8th grade. I’ve had to buy all new clothes, none of my belts fit, and I feel FANTASTIC. 2015 was finally the year that I achieved my goal!!!
And yet, I’m not done. I still have a stomach and weight to lose, and now I’m well on my way to becoming some scrawny kid that needs to hit the gym… but that’s 2016′s plan. I will continue the stretch I’ve started, and will get to where I need to be, and finally… finally I’ll start to be able to carry myself with confidence. That’s been my problem this whole time. I’m not unattractive. I’m attractive enough that even being 50-60lbs over slim, I was still able to pull off hookups with fairly hot girls.. every now and then. But most of why I didn’t was because I didn’t like me, so how could they? I am HAPPY with my body right now. Fully satisfied? Hell no. I have probably another 10-20lbs to lose, and 6-8 months of heavy gym use to get my body where I want it from a muscular standpoint, but that’s the easy part. The hard part was overcoming the seemingly impossible task of losing the bulk of the weight…. and I write here today as someone who’s been writing about this for 5 years on this blog… as a success story. I finally did it 🙂
So, until I write again, and I pray it’s before the end of the year, but even if it isn’t… farewell Tumblr. You have no idea how good it is to be able to write on this blog for just me. Because ultimately, this is just for me; it always has been.
Till I write again~
