Let me tell you about how my 2017 went. I hesitate in writing this post because so many of us had different experiences in 2017. This blog, although it has literally more than outlived even the term “gone by the wayside”, is still a venue with which I try to capture even just a tiny little piece of my life within at a minimum of twice a year. But in that sense, the fact that I forgot to write on new years is almost poetically fitting, given how my life has gone the past few months. – Rather than try to fit it all into a rambling of miscellaneous words, I’ll do my best to cover it from the beginning, to the middle, and follow that up with an end. So here we go:
As I may or may not have mentioned in my birthday post, this year was an incredibly difficult one for me. Because of the girl I chose to pursue back last November, drama befell our tight-knit crew. Some members thought that I was trying to fuck this girl in our bedroom at night on the down low, and that I was hiding it from certain people in our crew. The reality was that I kind of was hiding it, but not to hurt anyone, but rather because certain people wouldn’t understand. You see, we had kind of fallen into a relationship with another couple in the group over the past couple years, and that relationship came with all normal things that relationships do; jealousy, mistrust, etc. So the first time that I made out with this girl, the other half of the 4-way relationship found out and were jealous. Be that as it may, I kept making out with this girl because she was what I had wanted for so long: someone new and fun to connect with and fuck. Hell, it was why I had worked So hard to lose weight for so many years. – In my mind, so long as what I was doing wasn’t actually hurting or even affecting the other couple, then I would keep doing it. So I did.
Well, another couple in the group (comprised of my all-time best friend and his girl) thought that I was trying to pull one over on the couple I mentioned earlier (the other half of our 4-way relationship), and went behind our backs and told them as such. They didn’t count on how close the 4 of us were, and they came to us and sold the couple that told them out, and we managed to save it… but things were rocky as hell for a while. Well, for reasons we still don’t understand, the couple that tried to sell us out kept slipping away. He (my best friend) moved out of our house in January and slowly we talked less and less over the coming months. To the point that they wouldn’t even speak to us at the wedding of the other half of our 4-way relationship (for which Her and I were the best man and maid of honor). The short version is they never spoke to us again after that… despite us texting, emailing, and calling for months, they never once acknowledged our existence, except to send me a square cash request for money that I owed him. – That was INCREDIBLY hard for me, because he was the absolute closest friend I had ever had. To this day, we still don’t know why they chose to cut us out like that, or how, no matter WHAT they think happened, they could do that without even so much as at least telling us why. That many years of that close of friendship at least warranted that. But no.
I saw them again at Imagine Music Festival in September. That was the first thing they had come to since cutting us out, and they completely and entirely ignored us. – In a way, I kind of felt bad, because while they had managed to split the crew quite well (they moved out of our house and into one of his friends’ houses, and another crew member also moved in there, whom I also had a falling out with at the wedding, so it was kind of split down the middle), the rest of the crew except for them still came over for parties and still maintained the friendship with us. Enough that when we finally were all at the same festival in September, everyone else was all close and good with us and they were left on the outside. People actually went out of their way to show their support for us, which had to really fucking suck for Him, because he had introduced us to the one friend (who half the crew now lived with), and yet that friend still chose us. It was shitty, but we got through it.
Did I mention that I also got fired in January? Also, ironically, because of that girl I was fucking. I had sold a friend of hers vape juice, and apparently his dad worked for the company I worked for and his parents went through his phone and saw that my wife and I have an open relationship, that I go to music festivals, and that I sell vape juice. I worked for a VERY Christian organization, so that didn’t fly, so they fired me and I was instantly unemployed in mid-January. In the middle of everything else that was going on, I really didn’t need THAT kind of stress…. but it was there, and I had to roll with it, so I did.
Because of the wedding we were basically running in late April, I chose not to get a job till after that. I didn’t realize how hard it actually would be to get a job, so I was actually unemployed until September 18….. over 9 months. With as big of a house and as many bills as we have, that nearly broke me with stress…. but we managed to pull it off (barely), and I got a job making 40% more than I had before, which was Much needed.
This new job, though, is the first job I’ve had where I actually had to work 40 hours a week (40 hours of actual work, no slack time, etc). and with as many other things as I have to do on a day to day basis, I ran myself Very thin over the past few months. I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my entire life…. and sleeping less than ever before as well. But we’re making money now, and that is something we’ve needed for years; so I can’t complain.
All of that aside, this year was probably the hardest time of my entire life, and not for Any of the reasons I’ve already mentioned. No, this year was hard for entirely different reasons.
If you’ve read my blog in the past, you may know that I have been married to my best friend for 6 and ½ years now… and that she was my best friend for years before we ever thought of getting together. – From that, because we have a relationship So built on trust and friendship, we were able to venture into an open relationship via the swinging lifestyle. We nurtured that for a few years, and finally got to the point where I basically had a side-relationship with this girl I met last November. Well, because of that, She had kind of started fucking one of our housemates in early 2017. She hadn’t really wanted to, but it’s always good to have a distraction when the other person has something ongoing, and that’s what she was doing. Well, she had never really done that before, and didn’t at all expect herself to fall for this guy… but she kind of did. The sex they had was absolutely fucking incredible, and from February to may, they connected in ways we hadn’t ever imagined was possible with the foundation that Her and I had going into this. It got to the point where she was almost more connected to him than she was to me. Notice: not Closer, just more Connected. The reality was that with how busy I’ve been over the past few years, I haven’t really had time to talk to her like I used to, and I kind of put our relationship on autopilot. Well her, still being a girl, still needed someone to talk to, and he gave her that out. It was never anything that could ever even get close to what Her and I had, we both knew that, but she also hadn’t had a serious relationship before me, so she didn’t understand that although it’s fun to get close, it’s playing with fucking fire and you can only get so close to someone. Well, she didn’t know that, and I first expressed my concern about how close they were getting in May. She played it off and we kind of translated that into a higher sex drive for us, since I was incredibly turned on by her being with him. It was a rare kind of turn-on for me, because I am a switch…. so I Love being a dom, but I also enjoy being a sub every now and then… and she was able to actually play the dom role here because she actually had way better sex with him (because he’s significantly smaller than me, and her being so tiny, smaller meant she could fuck longer, and in way more positions than she could with me), so she was able to use that against me in a dominant role. It was incredibly fucking hot, but that was only ever going to last so long. Without trying to fully explain all that has happened in the past 6 months (I could literally write an actual book), I’ll slim it down a bit by saying that I got to the point where I actually needed her to start winding it down with him…. and she didn’t know how. COUNTLESS long nights spent talking, fighting, crying, and talking some more later, I managed to get her to tone it waaaay the fuck down with him. These were some of the hardest fights of my entire life… because she was actually addicted to him. Many 10,000+ word letters were written between Her and I, explaining where we were coming from, and yet she wasn’t actually able to let go of him. It came down to me almost leaving her, to be honest… it was so fucking incredibly hard. But she still did what she needed to do to keep me at the very last minute each time. This was one of the hardest things I’d ever gone through….. but I knew I had to make it through this, like everything else. We were good for a little while after the last major fight in mid December, where she had basically lied to me about seeing him for a while after work, and I threatened to take him out of her life completely and she basically said you can’t make me stop talking to him…. I almost left her at that point… but I didn’t. We talked that through, got past it, and moved forward… a bit…. she even, for the first time since all of this had started, made an effort without being forced, by deleting her snapchat (their primary means of communication)…. and that brought us to this past weekend. This past weekend, after things had been going good, she was really drunk and randomly asked me if she could fuck him. She hadn’t in over 3 months because of the issues we’d been going through, but we had also been talking about working towards a deal where she would spend the 4-6 months of daily work that it would take to actually learn to like blowjobs in exchange for being able to fuck him occasionally. – Yes, That’s how much she actually wanted to fuck him. But hell, if I could actually get her to like blowjobs, that was a worthwhile trade for me… because I know that at the end of the day, she’ll still be mine… and even though I may lose her more right now, I don’t have Any other way of actually making her go through that much work and training to love blowjobs… so I came up with that deal and we had been working towards it. – Well, drunk her asked, and I consented because her and I had been doing so well. And that kind of kicked the weekend off to a good start. Except for last night, when I had her phone and noticed that she had been using Facebook Messenger to send disappearing messages to him…. literally lying and continuing that trend behind my back. – We fought, we cried, and I almost left her for a second time Sunday night……. but in that conversation, we FINALLY had the breakthrough I had been searching for. In that fight, we cried, discussed why this had bothered me since the beginning, and the wall that had slowly been building for the past couple years even, but Exponentially over the past 9 months, literally crumbled. I had Her back…. and everything was right again. I’ll get into more details of what actually occurred in that talk that night… but it was the last and final piece in getting my life back together from the huge tumble it had taken in early 2017. And it couldn’t have been more welcomed.
To recap on the rest of 2017 that didn’t involve the huge nightmare with Her and I that I didn’t startle awake out of till 2 nights ago…..:
Because of the drama that had been happening in our crew, and the issue one of the other guys and I had on top of my best friend and his girl, the crew split in mid may. I left the group chat and so did She and a couple others…. and it slowly wasted away to nothing. – Yet parties still happened… we met some new people through friends of friends, and completely and entirely accidentally…. a new crew actually formed in mid-September. It had been building over a couple months… and we had Some AMAZING times…. and it finally got to a point where it was just time for it to actually be a crew, so it became one. – To have a crew like we had in 2016 is something that most people will never get to experience, or if they do it is a once in a lifetime thing. I knew when I lost it that I’d probably never find anything like it again…. – even the other half of our 4-way relationship were moving 8 hours away in August because it was time… given that everything had blown up here (and he had to move for work, but they chose to because everything was dying here)….. and yet this new crew formed, and I honestly couldn’t believe it, but it was actually Better than the crew before it. I love these people, and they love me back. It’s amazing, and something I never thought I’d see again…. but life has chosen to give us another shot at this…. and we’re going to make damn sure we don’t screw it up this time.
Looking back at 2017, it was one of the hardest years of my life. That’s strangely ironic to me, because even without looking back, I know that I wrote in my yearly review last year that 2016 had been one of the best years of my life…. and that I was so incredibly sad because I knew that 2017 would tear it apart. I knew that I would never hit the highlights that I hit in 2016, because all good things had to end, and I knew that end would be coming for the crew I’d grown to love. – I had NO idea when I wrote that how true it actually was, or that I’d not only face that, but face some of the most terrifying issues with Her that I’d never even thought remotely possible…. but through all of that, 2017 taught me SO much about life. I learned what not to do, I learned how powerful perception really is; I learned that it isn’t actually just about doing what is right, but about making sure it is perceived in the right way as well. I learned that you can do everything right, and still lose the people closest to you…. I learned to never take ANYTHING for granted, or to auto-pilot relationships, no matter how close; and most of all, I learned that, as I had said at the end of last year, that every step of life is a part of the journey. I learned to embrace the now, and enjoy it for what it is. I learned to love again, to live again, and that no matter how you think things will turn out, life always has another curveball for you around the corner. I suppose, most of all, I learned to stop fucking worrying about tomorrow, and just enjoy now for what it is. For it is beautiful.
And so, a mere 10 days late, I write my goodbye to 2017. I couldn’t have written it before my breakthrough with Her a couple nights ago, but I’m so glad that I can write it now. – 2017 may have been a Terrible year for me, but I look at it overall as an astounding success. I did lose things, but I also gained back so much more. I would try and predict 2018, but if I did, I wouldn’t have learned anything from this last year. – So, whatever 2018 brings, I’ll love it, because I have Her at my side. Bring it on, 2018~
